The story of the prodigal son is a familiar one. It is about forgiveness and the love the Father has for us. It is about redemption and the importance of reconciliation. We have heard the story many times and know that the son who squanders his inheritance on so-called “wild living” represents the depraved sinner. We know that the decision to return home represents repentance. We know that the father running to embrace this wayward child represents God enthusiastically welcoming us back into the fold. We know that the party held for the son who returned is but a foretaste of the rejoicing in heaven that happens each time a sinner repents. But all too often overlooked is the older brother. Who is he? What does he represent? Why is his story tacked on to the end of the parable?
The older brother’s story is the focus of our worship today. It is a story of envy, jealousy, and related sins. In Jesus’ time the older brother may well have represented the Pharisees, as many commentaries indicate. But in modern times, the older brother also represents us – the church-going types who try to live out their faith all through their lives.
It’s actually pretty easy to identify with the older brother. Even as a child I kind of thought the older brother got the short end of the stick in this story. He was the good kid and yet the bad kid got all the attention and praise, just for ceasing to be quite so bad. As the family “good child” who got good grades and didn’t get in trouble and who followed the rules in a family where that was not necessarily the norm, I really thought that the older brother got gypped. I identified strongly with him and didn’t understand why he got nothing while the younger, rotten brother got everything handed to him. It didn’t seem fair.
There are the times we perceive something as being unfair when in reality it may well be perfectly reasonable. And this is the point the father is trying to make at the end of the exchange with the older brother. The older brother is outside, pouting and griping. The father comes out and the older brother unloads on him. A modern day equivalent might sound something like this:
Dad! It’s not fair. My brother, if you want to call him that, took your money, bailed on any responsibilities around here, caroused and drank wasted every cent you gave him. Then, when he’s broke, he comes back here all contrite. And how do you react? Do you yell at him for behaving like an idiot? Do you tell him to go get a job and support himself? Do you even suggest he ought to pay rent, at the very least? No. Not for my brother! You run through town like a crazy man, throw your arms around him, and give him the best clothes, new sandals, and a new iPod for good measure. It’s not right. All this time I’ve helped you keep things going around here, working every day for you almost like a hired hand. I never went off and got in trouble. I behaved well and respectably, never sullying the family name. I didn’t stay out past curfew or get in trouble for being drunk. I didn’t associate with loose women or cause any kind of spectacle. All this time I’ve been waiting for you to notice and appreciate all my efforts, but you never even let me have a party with my friends. And they’re all good kids, too. I have been the good one, the honest one, the responsible one and what do I get for it? Nothing, that’s what. But you make a huge deal out of my brother coming home after all he did to disgrace our family. How could you? When is it my turn to be important to you? I’m so sick of everything being about my brother. It’s just not fair.
It’s easy to commiserate with the older brother, the responsible one. It’s easy to see how totally unfair the whole story seems. Sure, it’s a good lesson in forgiveness and all that, but really, the older brother got gypped!
But look again at the response of the father. He hasn’t offered to divide the remaining inheritance. He hasn’t given the younger brother anything that wasn’t his to give. The story doesn’t say whether the younger brother will have to work as a hired hand, but it does say that the father specifically says, “you are always with me. Everything I have is yours.” So really, the inheritance remains divided according to custom, which in this time and part of the world would mean the bulk of the estate would go to the older brother simply for having been born first. (And where’s the fairness in that?) The father isn’t failing to appreciate the older son. Instead he is pointing out that they have had the opportunity to be together all the years that the younger brother missed out on. But he also points out that it makes sense to rejoice in the return of the younger son because for all they knew, this son had been dead. How could he not rejoice and celebrate the homecoming of his second son, whom he also loves. Both are still his children.
And therein is the problem with the older brother’s reaction. He doesn’t think about anything from the father’s perspective, much less that of the younger brother. He doesn’t think about how it must have worried his dad to have his own child off behaving like an idiot and putting himself at risk. The older brother hasn’t thought at all about how it must have felt to the father to have all his life lessons rejected by his own flesh and blood, to have his values tossed aside like garbage, and to hear of the troubles his younger son found. The older brother hasn’t considered the joy his dad feels at the younger brother’s demonstration that he learned his lesson – learned it the hard way – and has returned to the family and the family ways. The older brother hasn’t thought about how much it took for the younger one to admit his mistakes, to swallow his pride, and to come back home without knowing what kind of reception he faces. The older brother, in truth, hasn’t thought about much beyond himself and what he feels he deserves, what he feels is due him.
And that’s the problem with envy, jealousy, and all the related sins. They stem not from caring for others, but from selfish motives.[1] They are not about sharing with neighbors, feeding the poor, welcoming the friendless, or housing the homeless. Envy, jealousy, and all their pesky relatives are about a sense of entitlement, of self-centered thought, and of greed. They are the opposite of generosity, which is a fruit of the Spirit. They are not about loving one’s neighbor as oneself, but about loving oneself at the expense of one’s neighbor.
When I was doing some research to prepare this sermon, I found what might be the most accessible explanation of the Bible’s view on jealousy. Here is what the source said:
When we use the word “jealous,” we use it in a sense of being envious of someone who has something we do not have. This kind of jealousy is a sin and is not characteristic of a Christian; rather, it shows that we are still being controlled by our own desires (1 Corinthians 3:3). Galatians 5:26 says, “Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”
The Bible tells us that we are to have the perfect kind of love that God has for us. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). The more we focus on ourselves and our own desires, the less we are able to focus on God. When we harden our hearts to the truth, we cannot turn to Jesus and allow Him to heal us (Matthew 13:15). But when we allow the Holy Spirit to control us, He will produce in us the fruit of our salvation, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
Being jealous indicates that we are not satisfied with what God has given us. The Bible tells us to be content with what we have, for God will never fail or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). In order to combat jealousy, we need to become more like Jesus and less like ourselves. We can get to know Him through Bible study, prayer, and fellowship with mature believers. As we learn how to serve others instead of ourselves, our hearts will begin to change. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).[2]
In addition to the good words of advice from this source, we need to remember that jealousy and envy are related to the sin of covetousness, which is forbidden in the ten commandments. But beyond the obvious connection to covetousness, Jerry Bridges points out that envy and jealousy are related to the subtle sins of competitiveness and controlling behaviors.
While competitiveness is fine and even healthy in appropriate settings and appropriate expressions, I would venture a guess that we have all known people who were overly competitive – and even been that way ourselves. My favorite simple example of the overly competitive is the driver who speeds up right behind you, swerves to get around you, cuts back in front of you too close, and then slams on his brakes at the red light shortly before you pull up behind him. Really, is it helping him in any way to get that extra car length ahead? Is it worth the risk of aggressive and dangerous driving to reach the stoplight first? Yet, this is the nature of being overly competitive. It accomplishes nothing of value, but upsets and possibly endangers others in the process. It is a need to be first – to not allow someone else to beat you. It is selfish and not loving behavior.
So how do we combat competitiveness? For me, reminding myself it is no privilege to sit longer at a red light and waste more gasoline speeding up and braking hard can help – primarily because driving is not an area where I am particularly prone to competition. But whether that example is best for you or not, it helps to remember the words from Ecclesiastes, “The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so men are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them.” (Ecc. 9:11-12) And if you ever doubt that, just watch the Olympics – it seems there is always a story not only about the underdog winning, but about some seemingly chance occurrence that knocks a favorite out of the competition.
Controlling behavior is kind of the pinnacle of envious or jealous behavior. It is a mindset that you are the only one with the right answers, ideas, methods and that all others should see the folly of their ways and bend to your will. When a controlling person meets with resistance, she is likely to either become enraged and cause harm from expressing inappropriate anger, or is likely to become manipulative, cunningly forcing the other to bend to her will. Again, it is a result of selfishness and a close cousin of envy or jealousy with a goodly measure of excessive pride thrown in.
A biblical answer to controlling behavior is to regularly remind ourselves of what Peter wrote, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” If we will try to remember to cultivate humility in our hearts, truly focus on the reality that God is God and we are not, then perhaps we will find ourselves acting less controlling and more lovingly, as we are called to do.
Envy, jealousy, competitiveness, controlling and any other sins that relate to covetousness or selfishness keep us from the humility and generosity encouraged by God. They prevent us from sharing God’s message of love and reconciliation with others, just as the older brother’s envy kept him from sharing the celebration with his family when his younger brother returned. We need not be jealous of others – God’s promised reward will still be ours. But we shouldn’t act like the Pharisees, either, counting up our brownie points with God. In the end, God does not keep score point by point, but rewards us all for playing the game.